Rules of engagement: Reflections

Posted on April 4, 2011


Since the first ROE video hit the site I’ve got various people asking me what my own views are on the rules of engagement. How many days should guys wait before they call? Should women make the first move? What do you think about rules in general?

Let me start by saying….I hate rules. Tell me I can’t do something and I ask why?  There must be solid reasons and ‘because it’s just not done’ is not one of them. Tell me why, tell me how…let it make sense.

However in my life I have seen certain things. One of these is that guys who ‘wait’ before they call you, following a rule are usually just game players. If a guy was into you and wanted to speak to you he would. Its immature I think for a guy to wait 3 days just so he doesn’t seem to be eager.  What’s wrong with showing interest? Such people treat relationships as a power tussle…who’s gonna fall first? Unnecessary. Life is too short. If you’re into a girl and she’s not….move on…no hard feelings.

Girls if a guy calls you and you’re into the guy but you don’t pick up because you are playing a game….let me say this nicely….Grow Up. If you treat love as a game….somebody is going to lose.

Now what do I think about girls who make the first move?  I admire the courage it takes to walk up to a guy and make random conversation. Could I do it? No. It’s hard for a guy I think it must be harder for a girl….yes? No? Whatever the case may be I don’t think I could do it. Like what if the guy looks at you blankly, or says ‘please don’t disturb me I have a girlfriend’. Haha girls could we really take some of the attitude we dish if the roles were reversed? I couldn’t. That’s why I at least try to be civil (I’m gonna get called out for this one lol).

As I was saying, I’ve seen girls make the first move and then the guy starts acting all slick with it, feeling like he doesn’t have to do any work after all she’s already into him. In the one scenario I’ve actually seen the two go on to become a couple even to the stage of professing love. However something was missing, it always looked like the girl was working harder than the guy in the relationship. When he did wrong she was quick to forgive until his sins escalated to the point that even the guy had to say ‘you know what, this isn’t working’.

Maybe that’s just the relationships I’ve seen. Maybe relationships do work when the girl makes the first move. Maybe just maybe I’m not cool enough, maybe even just maybe, I’m old fashioned *shrug* who knows?

So from the foregoing you can see why this ‘women making the first move’ business is not really for me.

Next should you give a guy who asks your number? I can only use myself as an example. First of all if you can’t play the ‘I have a boyfriend’ card then I don’t really see what the big deal is in giving a guy your number. If he doesn’t look homeless or crazy then why not? Even if you’re not interested you can’t have too many friends. Worst case scenario you stop picking up the phone if he begins to show  crazy tendencies. This isn’t CSI or whatever where the guy can trace your home address from your phone number (I hope) so what’s the big deal? Just don’t pick up or ask him to stop calling.

But don’t listen to me. At the end of the day do what works for you. There are no hard or fast rules to life, love or living.  Rules might work for you or your relationships might be the exception to the rules. At the end of the day all you can do is aim to be the best person you can be and hope that you find somebody who accepts you for you…..warts and all.

Photo Credit: africa /

Posted in: C'est La Vie ?