YES unfortunately or whatever, this week’s post is NOT about music and strictly speaking, it should be about music so what I was gonna do before I started writing this was send a BBM to my Boss saying that I wasn’t up to doing a post this week & that I was sorry & blah blah blah & she would have asked me why I wasn’t up to it as is only right. Now there are a couple ways that conversation would probably have gone, one of them being something like me saying that errm I wasn’t just in a good place to write anything at the moment and strictly speaking,that wouldn’t be a lie…You see, I’ve been unemployed for a month now & I’m halfway to being homeless so really & truly I’m not really in a good place to be writing anything. What I should be doing is getting out there trying to find myself a job or rather staying in here trying to find myself a job because all the jobs are online or atleast that’s what they tell you at the agencies so I should be online looking for work & on the phone of course BUT am I doing any of these things? Well NO! I haven’t searched for a job all week and don’t ask me what is wrong because I do NOT know! It’s as if I think that by some miracle, everything’s all gonna be fine? Well I really don’t think that but what do I think though? I don’t know either.
I am tired… I am so tired but tired of what though? Well how long have you got? The truth is that I just can’t explain it and tiredness seems to be what comes out of my lips when I try but it’s so far from that. My friend says I’m settling. She says nobody deserves to go through what I am or have been going through & that I am settling for this. It was a couple of weeks ago when she said this & I was upset, very upset at her suggesting such. Now I laugh at the thought or suggestion. I didn’t go through 5 years of an Under-graduate course, a gap year to work my butt off to save enough money to pay for a Post-graduate course, a Post-graduate course, 2 years at a job that I hated just so to pay the bills, studying close to OR over 300 hours in 3 months to sit for the CFA Level 1 exams and some bullshit over the years to settle for being unemployed & homeless! No I certainly did not and somewhere along that incredible journey, I started to lose and eventually lost my connection to or with God which I’m slowly clawing back & my gosh, I definitely didn’t go through that to settle for being unemployed & homeless. I just don’t know what to do any more but to be perfectly honest, I just don’t wanna talk about it either. What use is talking about ‘not knowing what to do anymore’ when the answer you’ll get is ‘you gotta do something. you gotta get on those job sites and apply for those jobs’ and when you say you’ve been applying for jobs for close to three years (even though I’ve been unemployed for a month, I’ve been looking for my career-job for ever), you get unequivocally told that ‘you can’t lose faith in God’ and all that. Well I lost faith and like I already mentioned up top, I’m regaining my faith & belief in God so instead of going through that conversation, I just don’t wanna talk about it.
In other news though… Last night, I watched a re-run of Desperate Housewives, you know the one about the Tornado & Lynette’s kids were trapped underneath the rubble & they got found ? Yeah I cried from watching that scene & I kept saying to God over & over ‘Just help me’ & I couldn’t say what (in) even though I tried. I bet the Big Man upstairs was saying ‘Help you do what Son? You gotta be a bit more specific than that my boy’
Sorry for that little digress, I’m sure it will make this post that more poignant in its own peculiar way. Remember me saying that I was tired, well I am and I think more so in my business projects than anything else right now. You see, while I’m unemployed, halfway to being homeless & a contributing writer for GlamTings, I’m also Creative Director for a music -media company (online media | radio | event management) and can I just say that its facking hard & tiring but not usually though, I’ll tell you what makes it tiring (because I can’t really complain about hard work, hard work is after all one of the epicentres of success), it’s people. The people that I am OR have been working with as part of my business project, whether it be graphic designers or photographers or lawyers or promoters or publicists or artists (I could write a whole book on this one) and even down to my team (oh and another on this too) have all played huge parts in making me this sad, tired, demotivated bastard
But you know what I realise? I cannot wait to be rich. Yes that’s a definite & that is why the comment or suggestion about me ‘settling’ is only funny to me now but you wanna know why I can’t wait to be rich? SO I can pay for every thing I want done! You see, when you’re unemployed + halfway to being homeless and have projects that need to be done, you’re kinda left asking for favours and/or huge discounts from your peers, friends or colleagues to get things done and the one thing about that is because they are doing you a favour, it’d be mighty rude of you to demand certain things or certain standards that you would usually demand… It’s kinda like that time in Friends when Monica asked Phoebe to cut her hair & Phoebe said to Monica not to do that ‘whole Monica thing’ because let’s be honest it’d be mighty rude to do that ‘whole Monica thing’ when your friend is doing you a favour or worse still when anyone is trying to do you a favour (or can you? I’d love to know how!)… So you either end up doing one or both of these, taking over half way & doing it yourself and doing a lot of things yourself that you wouldn’t normally do and just running yourself expressly thin (and you wonder why you are tired and demotivated?) or you end up scrambling around and being uncharacteristically undemanding or polite or something because you don’t want the person or people doing you the said favour(s) to switch and leave you on a lurch like two days to the deadline and then they do just that anyway… SO yeah nobody wants some Elizabeths (or Benjamins or Awolowos depending on where you’re reading this from) more than I do & yes one of the ways of getting those is an Employment. I am fully aware trust me because not only does it pay the bills, it simply pays for things period!
Until then however, I wish people would just be as professional in their endeavours period, regardless of whether they where getting paid for it or doing it as a favour or doing it for free or is that like wishing horses could fly? I dunno, maybe you can tell me! How I see it is, even if you take on some work as a favour, you’re still putting something into the world so surely you should handle it with the usual precision and care as you would a paid job and not just do something haphazardly right? Or am I barking up the wrong tree here? Maybe I am barking up the wrong tree, it is HUMAN nature init? Asides wishing however, I think I need new injection into my UK team. Someone who’s gonna motivate me & not with words, with actions & movements because there’s nothing like working with people that are right on the ball and not just about talking. You can’t imagine how much work it takes to keep taking people’s words and for them not to deliver every time and especially when that person or people are on your team… It’s one thing if your graphic designer or photographer friend can’t/won’t pull through on that artwork or portfolio because you can ask someone else or go pay for it somewhere else even though that may not be the most ideal BUT when its someone on your team not pulling through, its just a facking par out of everyone’s life.
& here’s to all the above shit!!!
Until the Next Time…
Did you ever think? Will you ever think??