So recently I came across an old journal of mine. I like to write so I tend to keep journals and blogs. I read an entry dated 16-05-07. Now I was tempted to type the journal entry here but …nah. It felt silly. Like I can laugh at myself now but I can assure you I wasn’t laughing when I wrote it. I wrote about being in a relationship that was seemingly going nowhere and apparently I was losing the essence of who I was in my bid to keep the other party happy. Now I laughed a bittersweet laugh because as I read on it could easily have been written about my last relationship also. All the same problems where there; lack of communication, not being straightforward…you know the drill.
So I began to reflect. These are two different people although they both shared the same birth date…how weird is that??? What’s weirder still is that both relationships were almost a replica of the other. Do you know as I write this more similarities are coming to the fore? O_o. Aiyaaa! So what does that say?
In the past if you had asked me I’d have said I had a ‘type’. I tended to go for the quiet types, confident in themselves, easy on the eye etc. However it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the things that attracted me at the onset became the very things that would eventually end the relationship. The quiet type quickly became uncommunicative; the confident in themselves became confident in a lie…and so on.
There is a saying that goes ‘fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me’. Well then…shame shame shame on you Mighty :-). Something has got to give. I was asked recently why I was still single. Well the answer is this; if you keep making the same mistake over and over then sooner or later you have to realise that perhaps the problem isn’t with other people, perhaps its time to look inwards. Perhaps ‘your type’ isn’t the best type. Perhaps you should try and hear what the quiet types have to say before you consider a relationship. Maybe mysterious isn’t as appealing as it looks. Maybe mysterious holds secrets that you are unable to deal with…maybe.
I have heard stories in the past week of women who have dated their now husbands for 10 years, they get married and discover that the man is a beast and not in the ‘sexy’ way. Tales of domestic abuse and emotional torment and you wonder…did you not see any signs? When you get to a certain age it seems like the chant around you becomes ‘Marriage! Marriage! Marriage!’ however what some people are really chanting is ‘Wedding! Wedding! Wedding!’ Now don’t get me wrong, weddings are fab and so is marriage but to the right one! My momma has a saying ‘if in doubt…don’t’. Tyler Perry’s Madea character says ‘trust your intuition, if you think something is wrong then it probably is’. Too many times we make excuses, too many times we sweep under the carpet then fast forward a couple of years and we wonder how we managed to get ourselves into such a tight corner.
In my break from relationships I have had the time to reflect and hopefully grow. Looking around me I see strong women. Women who will literally move the earth for the ones they love. Yes that includes me. As beautiful as that sounds it comes with caution. Simply put; ‘don’t throw your pearls to pigs’. If a guy has the temerity to say to your face he doesn’t like girls with ‘no behind’ kick the punk to the curb. You don’t pine for such. If a guy says to you on your sick bed that he ‘doesn’t know how to cope with your kinna sickness o’, do yourself a favour and delete him from your phone and everything else that has his name on it. Sometimes I am saddened because we girls don’t know how much power we have. We let guys make us feel inadequate about the very things we should be celebrating. Enough! You don’t need 10 guys to like you…you only need ONE. The one that will move the sea while you are moving the earth for him. The one that will treat you like the queen God intended you to be. The one that will pray for you and pray with you. The one that will communicate with you and not rest until you are both on the same page. The one that will mop your brow when you are sick. No it doesn’t make him weak, it makes him a man. Ladies and gentlemen that is the only ‘type’ I need.