The Ugly Truth

Posted on August 28, 2009


How many times have I started to write this and then I end up deleting and starting again. To write about love and relationships is not as easy at may seem. There are so many thoughts of view, so many opinions, so many rules….everybody has there own two pence to contribute. Last week saw us post Adonis’s point of view. A point of view that got mixed reactions maybe even outrage. At the end of the day it’s his opinion which he is entitled to, now permit me to share mine.

Growing up girls were always told to play hard to get, that is a theory that makes sense as if you don’t value yourself no one else will. So we play hard to get, get ‘got’ [lol] and then we enter a relationship and begin to let down our defences. If you’re lucky you let down your defences with the right person and then you get love. Seems easy enough and straightforward so far doesn’t it? Yeaaaa …but the world isn’t straightforward. Not for some people, these are the people I have an issue with today.

These people are the ones that keep on playing games even when they are in a relationship. Recently I had a discussion with a friend of mine who was reading the book ‘he’s not that into you’. She had begun to question her relationship because of said book. This is because the book said if your man doesn’t call you all the time, then he’s just not that into you..’’. The book also gave other instances but that was the one that stood out. I don’t know about you but I have met people who calling is just not their thing, they prefer other methods. So if that’s the only criteria that your man de-faults on then it might be time for a chat not a ‘’he’s not just that into me’’ generalisation. So I began browsing these ‘relationship help’ books to see what else was out there and I found this book ‘’why men love bitches…’’ by Sherry Argov. The first couple of lines piqued my interest so I decided to buy it [for research purposes of course]. However I couldn’t and I still haven’t finished the book. She makes valid points again about respect for yourself and letting the guy chase you, all very good points…relationship 101 if you like.

However she then goes on to say when you start dating the first meal you should cook for your now boyfriend is popcorn a la carte with jello for dessert [I see…]. What if you don’t like popcorn? What if hunger is literally killing you? What if you like to cook and would have done so anyway? That is not her point, no; you have to prove a point. Maybe in 6 -8 months according to her you can then reward him for lasting that long with a gourmet dinner.

Another example/tip she gave was, to discourage him from making you do his laundry; ‘forget’ a red item of clothing while your doing his whites. Now that’s just mean…but according to her he would never ask you to do his laundry again. Yea but still….that’s just mean.

So in this case love or relationships become a game, one that keeps score or that tries to score points, to keep the relationship tilted in their favour. That cannot be healthy or be love even. What happened to partnership? Or cooperation? Or just doing something for the other person because you know they will appreciate it?

When did we become so cynical in relationships? Trying to get one up on the other person…that’s not love, it can’t be. The lead actress in the film The Ugly Truth, played all these games but at the end she had to become someone else, someone that she couldn’t be for very long. That’s the thing when you play these games you either transform yourself into someone you’re not, or you become so uncomfortable in this new persona that you cant sustain it for very long. Or if you can, sooner or later the cracks begin to show. Then you find your partner saying ‘’you’ve changed, you’re not the person I used to know’’. That is a good time as any to let him/her know that they never really knew the real you anyway.

Love is not a game; there are no ‘rules’. What works for you, might not work for me. At the end of the day you can only do you. Be true to yourself, if the person that you’re with does not appreciate you for you, then leave! You don’t need a book to tell you when a guy/girl is not feeling you…you have a brain. Sometimes it might be a phase, then a talk is in order. If it continues then obviously this person is not your last bus stop, keep it moving.

Amy Winehouse sang ‘love is a losing game’, well that’s what you get when you treat love as a game…you lose.

Posted in: C'est La Vie ?